Dread

Dread…… It’s what I feel more and more now. I dread getting up most mornings because it wasn’t just a nightmare.
I dread walking down the hall because Richie`s things won’t be in the living room. Only have to clean up after two children now.
I dread looking at my dining room table because there are five chairs and we only need four now. So I don`t cook alot anymore.
I dread doing laundry.  No longer will I be folding his work shirts like I do the others.
I dread not knowing how to make this better for my other children.
I dread not knowing how to make it better for my husband.
I dread not being able to bring him back.
I dread going to the grocery store.  I won’t run into my son and have him look in the buggy asking me what was for dinner. He won’t be there to let me know what is on sale.
I dread Mother’s Day in a few days. How do I act happy knowing I am missing a child?
I dread all holidays coming up for that matter.
I dread the whole month of July. His birthday, my birthday, tons of family celebrations. All without my Richie.
I dread the family reunion. We will be one less son, nephew, cousin and grandchild. Richie was loved by everyone and they all will feel the same sting.
I dread the day when this pain gets easier.  I dont won’t to forget my son. I don’t want to get where it just gets numb.

I dread another day of faking a smile or laugh. Another day of faking strength.  Another day of being a phony.

Most of all I dread the night. I dread going to sleep because the dreams of my handsome son end and I wake up.

rich7

2 thoughts on “Dread

  1. You’ve described the dread to a T. Unfortunately so true. Hoping Richie comes to you in your dreaming this Mother’s Day.
    -Deanna

  2. Seth's Momma says:

    As I read this I wish there was something I could say to help you ease your pain. You have described our lives. Love and hugs

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