Yesterday I spent the day with Jeff. I played hooky from church and just enjoyed him all day. We went over to Jeff and Tina’s for lunch and had a wonderful time. Laughing, watching the kids and making plans for the summer. Then we left to run our errands. And downhill went the thoughts in my head.
When Richie passed away, we were sent the usual potted plants that people send out of respect. Well, they have started to outgrow the pots they are in. Jeff and I went to get more pots and soil and then it struck me……. If my son hadn’t died would I be on that aisle, looking at that pot wondering if it was the right size or color? What would I have been doing that afternoon? I would probably have still been at Tina’s instead of there. That one question that popped in my head stuck with me all day. Even when ordering supper that night. Would I have only ordered this much or more? I know I wouldn’t have spent yesterday finishing up business from the funeral. When I start supper later what would I have made for Richie since he doesn’t like lima beans and fried okra like the rest of us?
Since Sunday afternoon, every single thing I have done, I ask my self the same question. What would I really be doing right now if my Richie was still here? I know one thing, I wouldn’t feel like my heart has been broke, my mind wouldn’t be jumbled and my life would be the same boring, wonderful, normal way it was almost 5 months ago. But still what would I be doing?