Love without color

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional writer. I am just a housewife with thoughts in my jumbled overworked brain. I may not have used politically correct terms. I may have unknowingly offended someone and I am sorry in advance. This is my story in the words that I was raised hearing. Please read to the end before you tell me how horrible I am. You will see it all comes to a point.

My niece has made me take a look at myself over the past few months. My niece has made me see how I was wrong about things in the past. My niece and her big heart that sees no colors or differences in people has made me a better person.
Growing up in a small southern town, from a big southern family with a long line of southern traditions, there were things that just were not done. And whether you understood the reason or not, you just abided by those “unspoken laws”. You just simply did not date someone that was not of your color. Now before you go thinking that my family is some back woods thinking people, let me continue. Whether spoken or not, it just never came up really. In my Mom’s generation segregation had just happened. In my generation, I went to school with the children of the first black children that ever attended school with my white Mom. There was never a question of race that I can recall in my generation. There were whispers of my cousin that dated a black boy behind the family’s back but it was never spoken aloud. Then the whispers of one of my close friends getting pregnant by none other than a black boy. This was the first time I had ever really seen it up close and out loud. Yes, I was sheltered or had blinders on. After that friend, I saw how some of my friends had been dating the opposite “race” for quite a while now. Then came when it hit our immediate family circle, I was forced to see it head on. My younger sis moved in with a boy that was half white, half black and 100% wonderful. He fished with my boys and all of us loved him. I saw the way family treated her and it broke my heart. Not just because she was my sis but because they didn’t see how great he was especially with my kids. That relationship fizzled and a side note, she married one of the worst “white” boys known to man. { Color doesn’t make you a good person.}
Moving on…….. The biggest news of all to hit this huge southern family happened! One of my cousin’s was going to have a baby by a black man! Can you imagine!? What was this family to do??? What were people going to say? The older generation went into fits! The middle generation was just watching everyone else act a fool. The younger generation, could have cared less. This was going to be our first child of “mixed color” or “mixed seed”. The mixed seed reference from one relative made me laugh. I think regardless of color, we are all of “mixed seed”. That just always seemed so stupid to me. Anyway, the day came when this baby arrived and I fell in love with him. In fact we all did. Well most anyway. {P.s. The father wasn’t the best mate choice for my cousin. Proving of color doesn’t make a good person.} Times had changed. We all just looked at this boy and wondered how anyone could hate him because of his color. Change was happening in this bunch. This went on to another cousin dating a black man. Who by the way, we all love! They are broke up but we are still in contact with him. He watches my daughter and son like a hawk and keeps them out of trouble. I think we were more heartbroken when they broke up than they were.

So now we move on to what has inspired this blog. My niece text me  a few months ago and was upset. She started it with the phrase I hate most, “I need to talk to you and it needs to be a secret.” I thought if this girl tells me she is pregnant I am going to tell her mom and we will both beat the brakes off her. But it wasn’t. She wanted me to know that she was dating a “Black” boy. My first thought was instant relief for no baby on the way and then the thought of why is this a secret. She went on to tell me that some other relatives and such were in major disagreement over this. This was just not done they said! How could she do this to the family? My response was simply, “Does he make you happy? Does he treat you like the princess you are?” She says yes and yes! When Jeff got home, that night I told him I had something to tell him about his niece. He looked at me and said,”She better not be pregnant!” I said, “No, she is dating a black boy.” He says, “Is that all? I would have been more shocked if you told me he was white!” He said he has always “known” her preference. I didn’t get him to elaborate. This man has an uncanny sense of knowing these girls better than I ever will and of what they like!

We had planned a party here on New Year’s Day and she sent me this text, “We are coming Thursday and I wanted to know if D could come? If you say no I understand.” My response, “Why couldn’t he come? Is he not housebroken?” She says yes he is and I say then as long as he doesn’t poop on my floors he can come.  Now to why I am writing this long blog, what made her ask me this!? Why does she feel like she has to ask permission for him to come over the threshold of the Schell residence? I asked her this. She said that other family would not let D come to their house. This troubled me. Are these family members willing to risk being around this lovely niece of ours just because of color hatred? Even worse, How can these people claim to love Jesus and then hate a young man because of the color of his skin before ever meeting him? Well, she brought him to our house. He is a wonderful, polite young man. He adores my niece. He treats her like a princess. She is a handful and a half and he just smiles at all her crazy ways. And in the words of her Mom, “Until he hurts her, I support them.”

This has prompted me to look in the Bible and see where it says that I should hate him because of his color. First, I believe it says,in John 3:16 that “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believeth  in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Not that all you “white” people can go to heaven. All people.  The verse that makes skin color fade for me is Galatians 3:38 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” Right there,doesn’t say anything about if you :are white, black, yellow, purple or polka dotted. John  7:24 sealed it, “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement.” Jesus said that out of his very mouth.  So there it is: Jesus said not to judge appearance. (skin color, hair color etc)

But most of all Jesus says LOVE. We are to love everyone. It says so in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. (Get a Bible and read it yourself) We should all love. If you say you love Jesus, then you should love everyone.  It is hard for me sometimes to overlook the way we were “taught” in my younger days and just love. This proving that we are taught a lot of our hate and misunderstandings. Sometimes I feel a pain of “what will the family say” when one of these many kids does something “against family tradition”. But I will say, 99% of the time, I just welcome it and love. There are good and bad of every race. We just have to surround ourselves with all the good and surround each other with love. The other 1% that I slip, I pray that God forgives me.

So my dear niece, I hope that you and D have a wonderful long life together! I want to attend both high school graduations in a few months. In the upcoming years, their college graduations. I want to dance at their wedding, spoil their children, have family dinners together. I just simply want to LOVE.

The happy couple! May they have many many years of smiles and love!

The happy couple! May they have many many years of smiles and love!

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