Every wrinkle tells a story

I spent this morning looking real hard in the mirror. I look old. Gray hair, wrinkles, bags under my eyes, puffy places, droopy places! My jowls (as a friend calls them) are fatter and saggier. When did this happen? I guess it has been happening all my 41 years. Yes I have admitted it, I am 41.
I have decided this morning to embrace my age. Embrace my gray. Embrace all the wrinkles, sags and droops. Each one tells the story of my life. The lines around my eyes from laughing at my kids while growing up. The black circles under my eyes nights of sleepless worry while waiting on the kids to come home. The saggy puffy eyes from crying because missing my son is so unbearable at times. Even the one eye that is always puffier than the other! The gray hairs a mixture of a hard long troubled but happy life I have had. The gray streak a reminder from the day I was told my son was gone. The lines in my forehead from trying to understand why I had the life I had.
I have a friend that sells Mary Kay. She is always wanting to give me a make-over. “You will be a totally different person!” It seems every friend I have is selling this Nerium stuff. “You will look 10 years younger!” Friends that sell body wraps, eyelashes, weight loss pills and every miraculous age fighter known to man. It seems that every where I turn I can be prettier, younger, skinnier!
I am lucky to have the problem of aging. How many people are taken too soon to get to this point? My son for one. I have a friend that lost her daughter when she was 24. A time when her life should really start. Another friend who lost a son in his 40’s. I need to embrace this age and time that God has allowed me for whatever reason to see. I am lucky. I am blessed.
It seems to me we are all wasting precious years trying to be what we used to be or someone we are not. I don’t want to look like a different person. I don’t want to look 10 years younger. I want to look in the mirror and see me. All of me. Every flaw. Every line. Every age spot. Every little detail that makes me… ME. It has taken me quite a while to get the point that I am happy with myself. Happy with my age. I think happiness is the best look any women can have.
The endless lines tell the story of the journey that I have been on since birth. They are a road map that has gotten me to this day and the person I have become. I am going to embrace the gray! Embrace the wrinkles! And if I look 60 when I am only 41 then I will give God the glory for allowing me to keep on this journey of life. Because in my opinion, there couldn’t be a more gorgeous me than me.

Another wreck

Another child, another wreck, another phone call, another panic-stricken Mom. Last Friday morning, on my morning to sleep late, I was awoken to a call from Jeff and he said, “Don’t panic but Savannah has been in a wreck, Get dressed I am on the way to get you.” Well, I panicked. I panicked so bad I kept losing my breath. I made calls to the people I needed to and naturally no one answered the phone, Made sure Savannah’s Dad had made it to the scene. And then left the house before Jeff ever got here. Like I was going to wait. Poor Will had came to get me and I made him jump in my car and gave him the ride of his life. Made it to the hospital and saw that Savannah was ok before I ever really breathed right. She was just sore. She and all the kids were going to be ok. She just over corrected and went off the road and hit a phone pole. Her car was a sturdy one and took the impact and protected the kids. All was well other than nerves.

Well, I say that all is well. But this wreck brought back memories and feelings that none of us ever wanted to have again. Last time I got a call like this, my son died. And as silly as it sounds, I made sure not to throw on the same shirt I did when I got that call. It upset me that I had to put on the same tennis shoes. (I couldn’t find my others. They were next to the ones I put one. Nerves!) I prayed this time like I did last and hoped this time God saw fit to answer them. He did. The kids are fine.

I caught some harsh looks and words when I told someone that no I didn’t thank God he spared my daughter. Let me explain before you judge. I believe that everyone has a time that God is going to call them home. He knows the day we are born how long we are going to be here, He knew when he gave me Richie that I would only have him 20 years. Wish I had the memo also. When Savannah wrecked, she did not die because it was not her time. I have faith in my God that he wasn’t ready for her. I did thank him that she wasn’t injured worse. I did thank him that the other kids were not injured worse.I do not think I should thank God for not doing something he wasn’t planning on doing in the first place. Yes, I know that it seems as if I am ungrateful but I am not. I am FAITHFUL! I am faithful in his plans and in his timing. I do however thank God each morning and each night for allowing me one more day with my family. I was asked if I would still be a faithful if God took one of them tomorrow. I would be devastated but I would still be faithful that God has a plan. I may struggle with it but I will have faith. I still struggle with God’s plans for cutting Richie’s life so short. But I have Faith that I will know one day. Faith that his reason is bigger than me. Faith, just simple faith.

Not a call I wanted to wake up but I thank God that I wake up to my daughter for a little longer. Getting her a bicycle for graduation.

Savannah (L) and her best friend/passenger Destiny!

Savannah (L) and her best friend/passenger Destiny!