My mind is so jumbled! I have so much that I want to write. So much that I have to say. It all needs to come out before my brain explodes. The problem is….. I have tried to write for 3 days now. Each time I get two or three sentences in, the topic doesn’t feel right. I told Jeff that I have felt lately like I am just waiting on the next bad thing to happen. Knock on wood, things are going smoothly right now. But there is the part of me waiting. I am just waiting on something to happen. I feel as is I have to be on guard. I need to be prepared so nothing bad happens again. This is what losing a child does. It makes you hyper alert to every thing around you. It makes you constantly worry about the children you still have living. I think I may be going a little crazy checking to see if my 17 & 20 year old are breathing in the middle of the night. I baby Richie’s best friend and warn him of things like taking candy from strangers. (He is 21 by the way) I text my husband just to see if he is still alive knowing that if he wasn’t his work would have called me. I am always on guard. Alert like I can stop the Grim Reaper from visiting everyone. I need to calm down but scared if I do something will creep up and take away what happiness I have left.
Broken Mothers Club 
I found your blog and identify with everything you say. Just yesterday I said that I feel like I am waiting for something. Also my husband was talking to me on the phone and all of a sudden our phones disconnected. I kept trying to call him back and kept worrying something happened to him when really his phone just died. Losing a child is the absolute worst.
I am so sorry that you are “one of us”. Please feel free to email me @ mrsjschell@gmail.com. I am always here if you need to vent or talk. We all have to stick together. Many prayers for you.